Christmas 2016
by hisuiryuu
Summary: In which Kanda and Allen have some confessions to make once they're reunited. Set shortly after Kanda rejoins the Order. (Slightly AU, see story for note.) Rated "T" (at the moment) for some cursing and slight touchy-feely-ness. Might go up to "M" if continued.


**AN:** This is partly AU: Neah has not taken control of Allen's body, and I got a little creative with the Kanda/Alma Arc.

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Johnny and Kanda had caught Allen's street performance, and the man himself, several days ago. The three men were currently in hiding at a shabby inn, and Johnny had stepped out to return a few repaired watches and buy them some much-needed food and supplies. The minute the scientist-turned-repairman left their room, Allen rounded on Kanda and slapped him soundly across the cheek.

"You! Why the bloody hell would you rejoin the Order?! You were free, BaKanda! And now you've returned only to disobey orders again! And for what?! What could possibly be so important that you'd forsake your chance at freedom from the organization that has brought you nothing but pain?!"

Kanda Yuu stood silently as he listened to a hysterical Allen. He considered his options and decided, 'Fuck it! I'm already batshit insane for going this far - so... honesty it is.' He took a deep, steadying breath, looked directly into Allen's liquid silver eyes, and spoke the words he'd been too afraid to utter.

"For you, Baka Moyashi. It's all for you, and it has been since -" Allen held his hand out in front of him, as if the gesture would ward off the dangerous line of thought once Kanda had chosen to start sharing.

"Woah! Woah! Stop right there, please! I know you promised me back when we learned I was the 14th's host that you would kill me if or when he turned me, but things changed! You already gave them one lifetime and most of this one! I let you leave with Alma so you two could find peace, or... I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I knew he wouldn't survive, but you - I wanted you to be at peace. To search for whoever it was you were seeking. I... I'm fine as I am. He's not taken over me and I... I can... I'll end things myself if it comes to it; I won't keep you here because of some promise you made me back then. Back wh... when things were like they used to be, before we knew your true origins. They won't spare you after this second desertion. They'll come for both of us. They'll... they will punish you and you've been through enough. You've been their prisoner since they awakened you. You don't deserve this! Run, now! Escape while you still can!"

Allen was shaking now, his frame trembling as he wrestled against the tears that fell even as he tried to hold them in. He heard footsteps, the door opening, a turn of the lock and the door shutting. He breathed a sigh of relief, amazed that Kanda had been so easy to turn away. Allen had been prepared for more of a fight, but, even though it was the desired outcome, it left him feeling strangely hollow when Kanda didn't fight for him. Didn't demand to remain and carry out his duty. That unexpected ache brought Allen's walls crashing down, and he fell to his knees, sobbing openly now.

Suddenly, two calloused hands grasped his and pulled them away from his face. Allen blinked slowly, trying to make sense of the vision before him. How could Kanda be there, kneeling in front of him when he'd plainly left and locked Allen in alone? Panic quickly set in. Allen figured it must be the 14th playing mind games to get a chance to take over for a while. He considered letting him; the thought that Kanda had actually stayed and was attempting to comfort him... It was just too painful for him to face what was certainly the lonely reality. Yes, surely Kanda's continued presence was a lie.

"Moyashi, look at me damnit! I'm right fucking here! It's not one of that bastard Noah's tricks!" Kanda jerked Allen forward; the smaller exorcist, too stunned to react, crashed into the swordsman's firm chest. He let out another choked sob when strong arms wrapped around him in a comforting, warm, and so very solid way that just had to be real.

"But I heard you lea... leave. The door, the lock... you? How are you real?!"

" Ché, Baka Moyashi. Of course I locked the door: the door between our room and Johnny's. I don't want that dork butting in at a bad time."

Allen slowly lifted his head and cautiously met Kanda's serious gaze. So many emotions where swirling in those navy blue depths, Allen couldn't begin to understand what was going on.

"Wha... huh? Butting in when? What do you mean by that?" Allen struggled to free himself but Kanda held fast. "Oh my! You intend to do it now! You don...d... d...don't understand! I'm not him! Pl...ple... please don't kill me!"

"Would you get a grip already? I did not come back to kill you, you stupid sprout!"

"You didn't?! Then what the blazes are you talking about?"

"Ché, of course not! I came back - " Kanda paused as his nerve momentarily faltered. Taking it as a bad sign, Allen renewed his struggle for freedom but stilled when the man holding him continued. "As I've been trying to say since you slapped me, I came back for you - not to kill you just to honor that bullshit promise, and not because I feel like I "owe you" for helping Alma and me escape - I came back for you because it is you, Moyashi, that I have been searching for."

Silver eyes grew impossibly large as the snowy-haired male tried to process the other's words.

"I... but I can't be! It was Alma! I know it. You know it. Hell, everyone knows it after what happened at the North American branch. Your 'brother' from the Second Exorcist Project was the original General Kanda Yuu's lover Alma!"

"You're right. She was his lover, but I learned something when Alma died in Mater. Something that changes everything, Moyashi." Here, Kanda grew silent once more and gently repositioned the smaller man in his arms, now cradling him as a groom holds his bride while bringing her across the threshold of their new home. He shifted their combined weight and stood, carrying Allen to their room's lone bed and depositing him carefully against the pillows. He climbed in beside him and turned on his side so they lay facing each other before continuing. "The Alma of the past and the Alma that was created like I was were two separate souls. As am I, apparently, because the original Kanda left me in order to join his Alma and the Alma they considered their 'son.' They told me I'm also their son, but it wasn't my time to join them. My 'father' told me he could leave me safely because I had found who he promised to search for. I... I asked him why I still felt like I hadn't finished searching, and you know what he said?"

Kanda brought hesitant fingers up to tangle in Allen's wavy locks. 'It's grown so long. He's even more beautiful than ever,' he thought as he waited for Allen's reaction.

Allen's breath caught in his throat. The other's gentle tone and, dare he say, loving(?!) movements were the stuff his fantasies were made of ever since they went on their first mission together. "I... Ah, that is - I have something I hope he said, but I'm certain it's not the case!"

Rather than make the poor man suffer any further, Kanda wrapped an arm around Allen's waist, and, with his free hand, he tilted the pale chin up so their eyes were locked. "He told me it was simple: I still felt that way because I wasn't finished. He didn't even give me any time to ask another question; he looked me in the eye and said, 'You know the one I speak of. He needs you just as you need him. You can save each other, you and you alone. Go to him now before all is lost!' So I came back to the Order knowing it was the best way to find you. When... when they told me you were gone, I didn't even have to think about it. I just followed Johnny because I knew it'd be the quickest way to get back to you, to find you be... before those assholes had the chance to. And I did, thank kami... I... I don't even want to th... think about if I hadn't..."

Even more astounding than Kanda's words were the tears Allen watched fall from his gorgeous blue orbs. How could such a fierce warrior, such a sexy man, such a truly beautiful being care so deeply for him? But he did; it was all so amazingly clear now. So Allen did what he'd long thought only possible in dreams; he brought a hand to Kanda's dampened cheek and lovingly caressed it. When the raven-haired man looked up and their eyes locked, Allen happily pressed himself against the man. Then, with a quickly whispered, "I love you, Kanda Yuu," ghosted over said man's lips, he sealed their mouths together in a passionate kiss.

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 **The end?** Want more? Let me know and I might continue it. This was just something that I thought of and decided to share since it's Christmas. Consider it both a holiday gift and an apology gift as I haven't updated my main work.

 _The Academy_ isn't dead; it's just on hiatus until I can get back in the right mindset to work on it. I've been into some other 'verses lately, mostly K and it's eating away at my DGM time.


End file.
